I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
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Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
As shirtless as possible
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
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I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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