just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize