Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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