I wish I could teleport
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize