How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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