guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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