we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
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It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
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Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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