3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
from now on my penis is your penis
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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