Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize