Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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