wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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