eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize