Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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