Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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