yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize