dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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