Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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