im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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