I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
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He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
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No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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