Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
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we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
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Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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