fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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