My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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