Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize