just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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