I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize