dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize