I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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