My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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