My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
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oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
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it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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