I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
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Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
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I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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