we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
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Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
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I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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