"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
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