I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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