hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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