I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
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we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
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Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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