I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
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I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
you inspire me to be a worse person
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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