my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
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i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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