If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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