Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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