the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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