Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
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Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
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The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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