It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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