The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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