It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
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I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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