We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize