i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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