I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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