This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I bet he comes in French.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
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did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
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Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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