today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize