She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
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I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
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Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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